Dota Allmoons

My brother rides the school bus to school everyday (duh, what else would he ride on) and in the bus there are some very very interesting conversations to listen to. Most of the info comes from a guy from Year 6—I shall call him Isaac Loudhailer.

The reason for such a peculiar name is because his name is Isaac (not spelled that way, but I shall not attempt to reveal identities of school kids—that would be a crime) and Loudhailer is rather obvious. Let's just say his voice drowns out everything else, including Indonesia traffic, which is no small feat. If you have been stuck in one of Jakarta's jams, you would be terrified at the volume of his voice.

Loudhailer is something of a freak. Let's just say he's got a lot of information stored up in his head, just not the complete set of information. And since the bus is filled with small kids who are half his age, he can lord it over them and con them without having to worry.

My brother came back with samples of his tales and here is one:



Krakatoa Volcano is the largest volcano in Indonesia (was that so??)--every year, it spews up tonnes of ash and hot molten rock (at least he got THAT right). In the volcano, there are tonnes of glittering gems and diamonds and rubies and such in the crater (too much of “journey to the center of the earth), and you can actually go in and pick all those valuable things up to the surface.



He said that if you tied a rope to yourself, and take a large sack, you could go down the crater and just pick a sackful of gems off the crater walls!! (here comes the interesting part) Now the pressure in the volcano is very very high (he got THAT right too, at least—but wait—not that right after all), and if you go deeper in the volcano, you can actually shoot back out of it since the pressure is so high (I thank the heavens there is no volcano nearby so the kids can't try it).


And here's another sample:

Alchemy.



Alchemy is the art of turning something non-metal into something metal (I wonder where he got that fact from—its not even related to gold). To do that, you will need some basic ingredients. First of all, I (Isaac referring to himself) will turn this wooden stick into a metal pole. Now, I will need the stick, flowers and an oven with a fire. The process is simple. First, I'll surround the stick with flowers, then burn it. Then, it will come out of the oven as a gooey mash (apparently he thinks wood melts in the fire) and I will then spread it out on some flat ground (good grief). When it cools and hardens, it'll be turned into metal (I grieve for his Chemistry teacher) and it'll be harder than anything else on earth (I am speechless).


Noel says its a wonder his grandmother didn't scour his mouth with chilli and hot water. And here is the most befitting verse in the Bible for him: “should anyone lead these little ones in Me astray, he should have a large millstone tied around his neck and drowned in the depths of the sea” Mark 9:42 LOL.

The last few days, I discovered something else intelligent about Indonesia: the water heater. It simply knows when I should stop wasting water.

I do not bathe like the average girl you see on TV (those that take an hour in the shower) but I do know I still take quite some time—say about 15 minutes??

OK, I'm a clean freak but I'm not THAT freakish. Most of the time, I hang about in the shower enjoying the hot water. However, here in Country Woods, the shower is being very un-cooperative and very super eco friendly. It turns off the hot water when it senses I no longer use it to wash myself. So when I've rinsed, and its time to get out, the hot water switches off on its own accord and I discover myself standing under streams of cold water—which is not pleasant after a nice hot bath. So I get out of the shower automatically.

Now, some showers tend to stop showering hot water for a bit, then after a while, they give in. Not so with mine, It's awfully strict—times up means times up. I tried once to stay under the cold water for some time but the shower never gave in. Gah.

From the Chicken:


Last night, i was reading my Bible before i slept. And i came across this verse "Many are they who rise up against me"....This is so true!!! For the mosquitoes...I mean.


There were so many mosquitoes in my room I lost count already...And you know what happens. They prefer not to leave me alone. Malaysian mosquitoes can be vanquished by the means of spray or the electric vape thingy, but no way you can do this in Indonesia.


After dousing my room with Baygon (the Indonesia Shieldtox), that night still got mosquitoes singing in the room. And installing the vape didn't do any good either. So the only way to get rid of the mosquitoes??? SMACK THEM.


So I sat up and waiting and kicked about for the mosquitoes--and succeeded in killing two.


I must probably mention something about the mosquitoes here--they are extremely intelligent. In the middle of the night, when I was half asleep, something bit me on the face. Gah. So i sat up and hunted for that creature.



And, being a mosquitoe, it didn't appear when i was sitting up!! So i decided to fool the mosquitoe, and i put on my glasses and had a hand ready to slap the mosqitoe while i was sleeping in the bed. One of my eyes open.


The blasted creature still didn't appear!!! GAAAAHH...so i thought i could ignore it and go back to sleep. With the light still on, I took off my glasses and slept.

THEN the feller came....It knew the only way i could see it was when I had my glasses on!! Super intelligent mosquito..


And then i got mad. I sat up and banged the whole room to find out the mosquitoe--and when it didn't appear, I shouted, "Show yourself, you cowardly creature...If you want to suck my blood, come for it!!"


And it fell for the trick. Showing itself, I smacked it against the wall. The end. As Psalms goes...."I will lie down and sleep in peace...."

Traveling in Jakarta, one can see some interesting sights. A motorbike carrying 2 pails of tofu passes our car. We bang him from the back, and all the tofu scatters all around. The poor tofu man is much distressed, and is trying hard to collect back his tofu, saying "Oh, my tauhu! My tauhu!!"

(This is only imaginary)

Mr Moore is my chemistry teacher. Mr Gray is my Bahasa Jepang guru.
Now, Mr Moore is VERY passionate about his dearly beloved chemicals and Periodic Table. This time, he is teaching us about halogens, and halogens being electronegative, and Group 1 element Francium being electropositive, a reaction would result in an EXPLOSION.

We paint this scenario:

Mr Moore is messing around with fluoride and francium. Mr Gray Sensei is peaceful in his classroom. An explosion occurs due to Mr Moore, and Mr Gray Sensei is blown sky-high. His dog Kipper also is flown high, howling all the way. The 3 flags of BIS flutter in the strong blast.

From both the Fool and Chicken:


Mr. D Gray is the sensei of the Fool. Yup--no mistaking--the Fool is learning Japanese...and learning fast, for a fool.

The said Mr. Gray has a dog named Kipper. Kipper...barbecued herring??? So we questioned him about his choice of names for his beloved dog.

Before that, there are more dog stories. The Fool is sick (down with a fever) and Frank came to accompany him on the couch in the hall. Let me introduce my pets to you...I have a pig and 3 dogs, all haram things.

The pig is called Piggy (what an appropriate and creative name), and the dogs are called Patrick, Sausage and Frankfurter. Let's have a look at them, shall we??

Here is Piggy..the round thing beside my mother, eyeing the cake...






can't see her properly?? lets take a closer look...


























and here is Patrick on the left...


















and here is Sausage caught in the act:

From The Older Crapper: